#2, #22, #31, #43, & #51 FOOD

What is this?!

Five-in-One?!?!?!

Courtney! You're neeeeevvvveeerrrr gonna write a book if you slam THAT many into a single post!
Well reader! I don't care. I'll just never be famous or an accomplished author. And hey. Blogs are editable. Books are too. Quit hatin'. I Do What I Want!

So. Now that that is out of the way...

FOOD!

I love food. I love food so much that...

#31 I am pretty much constantly eating.

I have so much food around me at this very moment. I have two Wild Cherry Pepsi cans. 1/3 of a 5hour energy. Half of a king sized Reese's Fastbreak. Some Mission Tortilla Chips. Some Rice Crisps. An empty bottle of Starbucks Vanilla Iced  Coffee. Half a container of Orange Tic Tacs.  And then in my desk drawer, there is a bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce, 6 Minute Maid Fruit Punch Juice Boxes, 3 Juicy Juice Grape Juice Boxes, one small bag of Lay's Potato Chips, and a full sized family bag of Sour Cream and Onion Potato Chips. In my car I have a 12 pack of Chocolate Pudding, 2 containers of microwavable ravioli and a chicken sandwich. 

I am constantly "grazing" as my friend Gina puts it. A small munch here or there keeps your metabolism up, right? Can we verify that? FALSE.VERY FALSE. (Hey ya'll those are links. Go ahead. Click 'em).

So I like to snack, and as noted above one of the things I like to snack on is

#22 Sour Cream and Onion Potato Chips

These are by far my favorite snack ever. I almost always have a bag in my house or my desk drawer. Actually almost anything that is flavored Sour Cream & Onion is on my good list. I have such a bad addiction. I've been known to eat whole bags in one sitting. No lie. Something about their light delicious flavor, and subtle crunch just gets to me. Sometimes, I won't even be hungry, but they'll be there... giving me that look. And I just have to eat them. I should probably invest in them somehow.. any ideas? Anyone? Ah HERE it is. I'll look into that later. (oh look guys another link over there). 

But don't worry ya'll, I do eat full meals with actual food. In fact tonight is Thursday so that means the family and I will be headed to our local Buffalo Wild Wings. Where...

#43 I Can Out-Eat You in Boneless Wings (Probably)

I always, always, always order at least 18 Honey BBQ Boneless wings. On average every guy I have dated, or at least gone to b-dubs with, will order a modest 8. Now I don't always finish all 18 wings, but I sure as hell eat more than 8. I'm not sure if guys just don't want to seem like pigs around me, or if I'm just more manly than they are. I definitely understand being self conscious while eating on a date. Heck, I'm probably the worst offender because...

#51 I CAN'T Eat Anything New or Drink Anything New in Front of People

It's a curse really. I remember the first time I tried a brand new type of sushi in front of my then boyfriend... we'll call him Aaron. I was super embarrassed. I kept trying to have him look the other way, and he didn't understand why. It was just something that had to happen. I'm never sure of how my face is going to look when I try something new, maybe I'm eating it the wrong way? I don't know!! The same goes with drinking something new. Be it a sip of wine or beer I know I'm going to hate, or some new concoction of fountain drinks I've blended together, I know people will be watching my face, gauging my reaction, and I just can't handle that. I've turned around before to avoid people watching me try something.
Why do you guys have to watch people eat? Why?
Do you all know how weird it is just to watch people eat?
Why do you have to watch??
Seriously...

#2 The Way I Eat
is quite simply embarrassing enough without all of you staring at me. I'M JUST TRYING TO EAT. And I'm not always a lady, and I can be quit....into eating my food. I am messy and sloppy and very into enjoying my food. I am a slow eater, savoring the food and conversation.

Eating is important to me, if you can't handle that, get outta my kitchen! Or away from my table...
you know...

I hope everyone who does or does not read this has a really great dinner.

Bye?

#13 I'm Paranoid

What's that? Over there? What'd she say?

Something, something.. about..her?

Who's her?

Who's she?

Me?

Paranoia at it's finest.

Hmmm. Insomnia. Paranoia. 

I must have a problem with "ia"s. 

Welcome to the next segment of why Courtney is entirely undateable!

#13! 

Ironic, isn't it? A very superstitious number that causes paranoia is the number I wrote down forever ago to note paranoia as one of my problems. Completely unintentionally!

Honestly, I'm impressed.
Or not.

Anyway

I am probably one of the most paranoid people you'll ever meet... or read about.
But only in a certain way.
I know that not everyone is out to get me, in fact very few people are. I'm not worried that everything is going wrong. I'm more or less paranoid about people's reactions to my actions.
I'm a worrier. 
Maybe I shouldn't title this Paranoia... Maybe it should be Worry.

For instance. 
I sent an email with an Irish joke to a friend who happens to be very Irish. Now, I'm Irish too, and I wasn't offended by this joke, but this friend is waaaay more Irish than I. 
I kid you not, I worried all day long about that email.
I stressed, and fretted, and worried my little ol' self into a tizzy
about whether or not my friend would be offended.
And you know what?

It was all for nothing.
My friend emailed me back, said they laughed at the joke, and sent me a joke of their own.

Another example:
I text a coworker the other day to let them know that our Team Leader said they could come in and work extra shifts. I was already feeling uncomfortable, because that's really not my job, and I wasn't really sure how to relay that information without sounding pushy or like I personally wanted my coworker to come in. After some interesting discussion, I was feeling odd about how I had relayed the information and began apologizing profusely. My coworker text back and was very confused as to why I was apologizing; I was only doing as I was asked.


This is what I do. I worry what other people think, say, and feel. Not necessarily about me, but in general. I'm not vain, just a little self conscious. I like to be liked, and I worry constantly that I've offended or upset people. I think this comes from part of the way I was brought up. 
Not only do I worry frequently about people hating me, or being offended or upset with me, I also physically can't stand it when people are mad at me.
I get nauseous, faint, short of breath, and I mentally tear myself apart.

I find my "condition" here harder to deal with due to the increase in non-verbal communication.
It is so difficult to tell tones through text. How do I know that when you sent a text saying "Maybe you should get more sleep," you didn't mean it in a snarky, underhanded way? Like, "Maybe you should get more sleep, so you're not such a crab!" Sure that would highly out of character for you. 
But it could happen!

In the end  I am a special kind of paranoid. I worry about useless things, about people being mad at me, and that somehow, someone is talking about me.
Its just how I am. 
I don't let it over run or rule my life. Its just a part of me. Another quirk to add to the list.
Actually I think this one is a flaw.

Regardless, 
Thanks for stopping in.
Is it weird to end this blog this way?
Probably, Let's try this:
"Captain's Log. March 13th."
"How do you end a Captain's Log?"
That's an inside joke.



Tune in next time for more tales of the undateable.