Explanations

Hello all

I feel I owe you an explanation.

As to where I've been, and what I've been doing.

I've been falling. 

Falling, falling, falling

into some dark hole called

INFATUATION.

And hopefully someday, I'll be falling in love.

But in the mean time,

I'm doing good.

I finally met someone who sees my flaws, points them out to me,

and then says,

"I adore you anyway. In fact I adore you for that. I like your little quirks and intricacies, and I like when you learn mine." 

and I've never felt luckier.

I've never met someone before who makes me feel like I'm the only girl in the room.

It's just me and him, no matter where we are.

So, to continue on with this blog would feel like a lie. 

Because, I'm totally dateable. In fact. I'm kinda good at this girlfriend thing. 

So, maybe someday I'll finish writing about all of my flaws, and maybe how he helped me over come them.

or maybe we'll fall apart. and I'll pick up on this right away again.

who knows?

That's my favorite thing about the future. No one knows what's going to happen, and I love that. 

I love the endless possibilities.

So thank you to those who've kept up with this. 

You're the best. 

I'm sorry to everyone who was looking forward to more posts. 

But I assure you,

this won't be the last of me.

#47 My Goofy (& Geeky) Childhood

Like most of you out there
I was a nerd.
I was a geek.
I liked Pokemon, and Yu-Gi-Oh, and video games.
I was one of many.
And I did some regrettable goofy things.
Like any of my school pictures from middle or elementary school?
*shudder*
Or in Middle school thinking I had super powers. Or magic.
Harry Potter really affected me.
I wore T-Shirts from places my dad had traveled to, and places I had been.
My hair was (is) always a mess (Meet Virginia... That's a Train reference for you young'ns).
I went to dances and did cartwheels, and wore strange Halloween costumes. I made strange faces at cameras while camping, and I sang "Lucky" by Brittany Spears, with my cousins in their room while lamps glowed. We had a dance and everything. I used to build forts on my bed, and when I went to the doctor's office they would give me cool pens instead of candy. I used to build houses for my barbies out of CD cases and I used to think that Red-Wing Blackbirds followed me everywhere. I one time cut my own hair, and my socks, and my great grandmother's curtains. I didn't learn how to ride a bike until I was 8 years old. When I finally did learn how to ride my bike, I'd ride it around some empty parking lot near my grandmother's house and pretend to be a smoker (cause my parents smoked and I wanted to be like them).

I did geeky things.

I still do!

In fact, I joined the nerd cult and watched Firefly and Serenity. I've seen every Harry Potter movie twice. I watch shows like, "How it's made" and "Undercover Boss". Oh, and I used to be big into Anime and Manga, but that's gone down an incredible amount.

Not only did I do geeky things, I looked geeky and goofy.

When I was little I had platinum blonde hair. I still do thanks to magic elixir called Hair Dye. But my bangs were never straight as a child, my hair was always pulled in some strange fashion, and at one point I cut a huge chunk out of it. It took my mom 4 years to notice. I think until maybe recently I didn't know how to dress my body. I have a long torso and longish legs, even though I'm so short. So I kinda just wore whatever. I had a polar bear t-shirt that had the polar bear's face and upper torso hanging out the front, and then on the back of the shirt was it's butt. That was probably my favorite shirt ever. 

And I used to be one of those kids who would do anything for a laugh.
I'd say things that made no sense, and do wacky things, and get way too hyper.
Oh wait, I still do that. Sorry.

I think we were all that crazy kid, and I think we were all embarrassed by our childhood.
Its just natural to be.
But I wouldn't trade my Saturday morning cartoons and video games and barbies for the world.

So, hopefully someday someone will accept me for the geeky, goofy child I was (am).
OR maybe I was just too embarrassing.


We'll see.



Coming Soon... More excuses.

p.s. I'm sorry this was so short, I've been crazy busy and had my faced buried in a good trilogy.

#7, #8, #9 Singing

7, 8, 9... Hold on... That's three reasons..

Three? Now, Courtney, how are you ever going to turn this into a book if you plaster three reasons together? Won't it be too short then?

Well reader, you seem to underestimate the number of reasons I have for being single.

But you might have a point. 

But I have a point too!

#s 7, 8, and 9 are together because they are all about the same thing. 

Singing.

#7 I sing what I'm doing while I play video games

So on the upside, I play video games!

buuuuut...

I sing while I do it.

Every Tuesday and Thursday my cousin Mariah and I get together and paint our nails, play video games, and often bake cookies. Sometimes we go out and do tasks, or stay around the house with the animals. We also rescue dogs and plan weddings. Give us a shout.

Anyhoot.

We often play video games.

We like to play Call Of Duty: Black Ops.

We suck.

More often than not we play the zombies version.

We rock.

Not really.

But when we play the zombie version, we always start out the same way: At Green Run, on the farm, and for the first few rounds we use the knife to kill the zombies. Not only do you get more points, its just a badass feeling. 

I like to refer to this killing by knife as shanking. So our first few rounds are filled with quips from me going

"Shanks for stopping by!"

"Oh you ruined my barrier. SHANKS."

"How sweet of you to come barging into my house. I can't shank you enough!"

"Shanks for finding my knife."

Its beautiful. Really, I think this might just be an art-form. 

Finally when the shanking stops, we switch to guns. And from there it just gets ugly. 

I like to sing about what we're doing. 

"Gonna get a gun, gonna get a gun, but I gotta go up those staaaiiirs. I MADE IT!" 

"I'm a normal girl, in a zombie woooorrrld. Ammunition, I just need some."

"Down goes the zombie, gotta run towards the barn, shank you, shank you, and right up the stair. *AAAAAAH** he almost got me."

Now, this of course is the clean version. Whenever we play, the swear words that fly outta my mouth are a little ridiculous, and sometimes made up.

Also, I'm still laughing at the zombie girl song. GOLD.

Or sometimes when we play Batman: Arkham City I like to sing about being Batman.

Cause I mean. BATMAN.

"Flying across the city, gonna save mr. freeeeze. All so that he can kill me. Gonna beat someone, beat someone."

And of course the Bane voice comes out.

I could sing songs and talk about this all day/night long. 

Let's move on.

#8 I sing while I cook

The difference here is I don't sing about what I'm doing. I sing about whatever is on the radio, or my playlist, cause let's face it... I'd rather listen to my weirdo music that I know every word to than to some slow song about how her heart is broke, or some fast fake stuff about how he just wants to do her.

I like songs with meaning, and feeling behind them. Songs that I can relate to, not songs about some crazy lifestyle I'll never be anywhere near having much less one I would want.

That doesn't mean I don't have Talk Dirty by Jason DeRulo on my playlist.

NO JUDGEMENT- I warned you when you came in here.

And of course because I am in the kitchen,

I have to dance.

Isn't that what kitchens are meant for? Dancing?

no?

oh.

OH WELL. I DANCE.

And it's embarrassing. But its fun. And every now and then if I'm at home, my little brother will dance with me. 

Until Sheriff Callie distracts him and he says, "I have to go now."

BOYS.

#9 I Sing

The fact that I sing at all is fairly concerning. I mean. Most of the time, it sounds like a dying cat. Or some newbie opera singer trying to impress.

There are few songs I actually think are acceptable for me to sing in public... and I sing the ones that aren't anyway. Singing makes me happy. Singing also means I'm happy. Or sad. Really music has too much of a hold on me. But we'll save that for another entry. 

Sometimes I like to mock sing, sometimes I actually sing, and if I actually sing in front of you, you oughta feel special. Because that means I trust you.

I remember this summer, sitting on the balcony of my friends' apartment, them with guitars, me singing. It was one of the best feelings. It felt so free and happy. Its a sleepy sunshine kind of memory that warms me up inside. One of my friends later that day made the comment about how I should sing more. and louder. I honestly don't remember anyone other than him ever saying that to me. And those words meant more than I think he'll ever know. I love singing, and to hear someone else liked when I sang too? Like a big ol' cup of sunshine.

So to recap. 

I like to play video games.

I like to sing about them while I play.

I like to cook.

I like to sing when I cook.

I like to sing.

I suck.

Wow that was a lot of stuff you just learned about me.

I tossed a lot of information at you.

Hopefully enough to warn you off from thinking I'm dateable.

I'm not.